How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
