even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
