u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
