Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize