you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
