Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize