I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
