I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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