Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize