On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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