Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
