Acid is not a monday night drug
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
