did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
