And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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