Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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