her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
