I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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