I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
