She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
