I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
