dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
