just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
