It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
