Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
