Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
