I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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