Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
