I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
