theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
