Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
