either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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