I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
