Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Randomize
