she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
