I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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