He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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