Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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