**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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