I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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