lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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