One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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