I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
