whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
