I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
