I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
