I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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