ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants