In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.