nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school