Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?