You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
