i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
