My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
