did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
