Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
