I need help removing her.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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