It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
