Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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