the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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