im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
