there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
