There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
