he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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