so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
