Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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