I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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