My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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