I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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