Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
